Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
