Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize