You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
