and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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