and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
