return my video game
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
