Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
