so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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