I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
