She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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