Swine flu is the new snow day.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
dude. I can hear the air.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
