Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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