yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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