im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize