Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize