If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to have your abortion
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
