He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
NoShamevember. You game?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
