Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
