Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
