I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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