the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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