We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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