I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
