Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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