If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Floor bacon is actually really good
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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