youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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