census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
