Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
