Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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