Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
