I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think my vagina is haunted
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
