Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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