my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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