just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
