I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
