we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
