Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
