Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
