Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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