wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
