I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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