Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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