the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
