So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Someone shattered a urinal.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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