ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
