Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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