i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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