look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
