When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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