He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just cropdusted the office
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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