Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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