My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
