That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
