yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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