If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
