I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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