I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
