just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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