we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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