I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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