he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
