Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
