I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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