I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
that may or may not have been my penis.
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