We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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