I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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