my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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