Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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