remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
