He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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