I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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