I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
