I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
