Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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