i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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