is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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