Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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