and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
