On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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