Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
