dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
