I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
