Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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