oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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