I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
