Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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