please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I didn't notice because vodka
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
