Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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