hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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