I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So. Much. Porn.
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